Two years before Senior Pamuk died
He gave his son Orhan a suitcase;
A suitcase filled with his writings.
He told Orhan to read them after he died.
The suitcase was ‘heavy’ because of the
‘Mysterious weight of its contents.’
One thing that kept Orhan distant
From his father’s suitcase was the fear
That he may not like what he reads.
Orhan did not wish to know or discover the possibility
That his father might be a good writer.
“Even worse, I couldn’t even admit this myself openly.”
He was afraid to acknowledge that inside his father existed
Entirely a different man.
He wanted his father to be only his father – not a writer.
A father who has never been
“Commanding, forbidding, overpowering, punishing, …”
Orhan finished his first novel.
With trembling hands he gave the manuscript to his father.
His father returns two weeks later.
“I ran to open the door.
My father said nothing, but he at once
Threw his arms around me in a way
That told me he had liked it very much.”
There was awkward silence.
Then he said, one day he would win the prize.